I'm feeling very shallow today.
It's my hair.
Like most women, I want my hair to be something it's not. It seems that if we're blessed with naturally curly hair, we want it straight. If it's straight we wish for curls.
I fall into the naturally curly category.
My hair was a raggedy mess through Junior High as it slowly started turning from straight to curly. I was still brushing it with a brush every day wishing and hoping I could get "feathered bangs." A look that sadly (possibly thankfully) I never could master. My hair just wouldn't cooperate. Real hair brushes and curly hair are a bad, bad combination that results in really poofy hair.
In high school, I got rid of the brush and had learned how to deal with all the curls, . My long curly locks were the source of much admiration as all my friends paid big bucks to achieve their spiral curls with perms.
I was curly all through college and happy about it. Naturally curly hair is easy to maintain and I considered it "my look."
After college when my first baby came, my hair started to loose some of it's curl. After my second baby 18 months later (!) a lot of the curl was gone. In a regrettable mood one day I had it all chopped off. I pretty much looked like a boy and the curl was definitely gone. It turned out that I didn't like looking like a boy and it took a long time to grow out.
Now here I am, 14 years and five kids later. Slowly my curly hair has returned, but I've worn it straight almost the entire time. I consider myself a straight hair person.
The first indicator I had that something was wrong was when my right hand went numb for a week.
Eventually both of my hand were so numb that I could barely use them. My straight hair was one of the first causalities. I just couldn't blow it straight with a round brush and then flat iron it. Out of the question. I decided going curly was the best option.
Great idea except for one thing. I've hated it every single day since. I just don't like the curly hair anymore. It's not me, it makes me feel like I'm 20. (I'm not 20.)
Medication has given me my hands back (mostly) so, after weeks of deliberation, I decided to go back to straight hair. There are so many aspects of my life that MS is making miserable. Things that I have no control over whatsoever. But I can, to a degree, control my hair. I still have a choice. And my choice for now is straight hair.
I went to a hair salon this morning and got it cut.
It may be shallow. It's definitely dumb. It is just hair after all, but if it makes me happy that's all I care about.
I know that there is always the possibility that in the future of this dumb disease, I may progress to a point that I can't "do" it anymore. If that day comes, I'll go back to curly, but for now at least, I am in control of my silly hair.
Take that, MS.