Wednesday, June 20, 2012

me

Sometimes I'm sick of me.

No, really.

I not a "seeking the limelight" sort of person.  I prefer to be behind the scenes.  Someone told me in high school that before knowing me, they thought I was stuck up, because I seemed so quiet. It seems like an odd association but then again, it was high school.

So when the news of your diagnosis makes the rounds with your family, friends, neighbors and church associates, all of a sudden it's hard to be just "you."

You are suddenly the girl with MS.

MSgirl.

The one with MS.

MS R us.

A complete stranger, who had heard of my diagnosis wanted to talk to me about it a few days ago.

Is it wrong that I get bugged by this?

I spend enough time in my head pondering and worrying if my latest numbness or pain means I'm getting worse, or is it just a bad day? 

I realize that people are concerned and empathetic about my situation. I know this.

But I just want to be me.  I'm the mother of seven amazing kids.  I'm creative.  I like all kinds of music.  I play the piano (sort of).  I like to sew and decorate my house.  I like to plant flowers.  I love to read.

MS is just a small part of me, at least for now.  It doesn't define me, yet.  The day may come that I am incapacitated by it, but for now I just want to be me.

Just me.

3 comments:

  1. Well...you're just You to me. Good ol' you.

    ps-- Did you ever think you'd have something in common with Jack Osborn?

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  2. MS doesn't define you. :) My love has MS and he also struggles with maintaining his identity. He feels like he is a "has been" and now he is just the guy with MS. You would be surprised HOW MANY TIMES A DAY we have to tell people he has MS & all about his diagnosis.

    Don't lose yourself hun! Don't let MS define you, ever...

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  3. You're not wrong to be bugged by this. I get it too sometimes, or I get the other thing when they say "Oh, but we won't talk about that (meaning MS)". I don't know - talk about it, don't talk about it. It's very confusing. 7 kids, wow that keep's you busy. Enjoy
    PS found you via Moms with MS - not a weird stalker or anything.
    Cheers Kylie

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